Your first time probably wasn’t what a lifetime of teen movies cracked it up to be.
It might have been awkward, painful, or funny — not exactly the romantic, beautiful moment you were hoping for. Some ladies might lead seemingly perfect lives, but when it comes to losing their virginity, they’re ~just like us~.
Meet a 33-year-old lady from Nyahururu, Nyandarua County where she was born and raised as the last child of a strong, hardworking and religious single mother.
Aside from being much younger than her sisters, she was the dark skinned one amongst her closest female relations and thought to herself as being ugly.
Rehab, who always put education first, her mother was always there to counsel her,
“Coming from a really humble background, I have also had men trying to buy me off with promises of a more lavish life” When her hormones threaten to overwhelm her, she goes straight home from work and avoids socialising until the winds of lust pass Photo: SDE,.
“I therefore turned my attention to academics with my mother’s encouragement. In terms of sex education, I was counselled when I was younger that I would get pregnant if I got close enough to boys.”
There were always examples of girls she knew who had gotten into trouble with boys and these would be pointed out to her as illustrations. Rehab lived life full of naive,
“I remember when a school mate stained her skirt in primary school and we all believed that she had sat on plums.”
“The information about sex we were given in class was confusing for most girls my age. What I learnt about the reproductive process I did as a member of the African Inland Church’s female pre-adolescent group – The Cadets.”
Fear remained a motivating factor for her, steering clear of male associations throughout my primary and high school years.
“My mother had also experienced a painful separation from her father and I was determined not to add to her burdens so I was a good, obedient girl,” remarks Rehab.
Rehab, who studied hard and excelled in her academics, she was the kind that teachers loved to hate in her school. “I said to myself that I would wait to get into a relationship in my third year of campus, one that would hopefully lead to marriage. That was not to be.”
Rehab has had ups and downs in relationships which were free from sex which has made her more strong and experienced to handle relationship of which she sees brewed for sexual adventures. She sees men to be after a roll in the hay.
“I have had two serious long-term relationships; my first, which lasted two and a half years, ended because our ideals on sexual boundaries clashed. This was between high school and my first years in campus. The second ended two months to my wedding date, but was also platonic. That one had lasted three years. Coming from a really humble background, I have also had men trying to buy me off with promises of a more lavish life.”
“But for me it is always about sexual purity. I have normal challenges. I have had some really near brushes with sex where I got close to crossing my boundaries. By God’s grace, I have escaped three rape attempts. I trusted those men too much and they tried to take advantage of me.”
But how does Rehab handle hormonal changes in her body? She narrates:
“Some days are hard hormonally and I know my body well enough to know that given the chance, I may slip. So I rush straight home from work and keep my socialising at zero until these winds have passed.”
Could some entertainment adventures lure her into performing sexual advances? No. She never lets it take over her body.
“I have also realised that reading certain books and watching some soaps gets me thinking in a way that is dangerous to my commitment to purity. So I simply do not. I do not kiss or caress men. I might give a hug and peck if it’s really necessary.”
“I have mentors and a close circle of friends to whom I am committed to being accountable. We will talk about everything candidly. One of my mentors, Mama Adah Adoyo, told me that I need to break certain patterns in my family. I want to do this.”
Rehab is looking forward for a relationship believes sex is meant only for the maried and restricted to their partner. So mpango wa kando is never in her dictionary.
“I want my children, if I ever have them, and my nephews and nieces to know that they are able to stand because I stood. These boundaries have helped me. I don’t think a decent man should just up and say ‘let’s go have sex’ to a woman who is not his wife. I think it is a process. I have made these decisions not because being intimate with a man does not feel good, but because I did not want to make a habit of asking for forgiveness for sins I could prevent.” she says.
Rehab who graduated with both a Bachelors and a Master’s Degree in Marketing from the University of Nairobi, is a member of the Chartered Instituted of Marketing believes her discipline has enabled her to grow in her chosen field of marketing.
She now works with the East African Portland Cement Company as a commercial services manager and attends Christ is the Answer Ministries on Valley Road where she mentors young people through her involvement with the Fellowship of Christian Unions – FOCUS. There are many looking up to her, and lowering her standards and letting them down just isn’t an option she is after.
There are many looking up to her, and lowering her standards and letting them down just isn’t an option she is after.
“I cried out to God and asked Him very many questions. I remember a nurse attempting to do a Pap smear test but I involuntarily shut down and she was not able to get through.”
The medical practitioners and friend felt at 33, she must be sexually active and probably be having children,
The medical practitioner remarked:
“After a while she gave up and asked me if I was a virgin. She had assumed that at my age, 33, I must be already sexually active. Medical staff tried to convince me to find a boyfriend and get pregnant quickly. Some of my friends were concerned about my status too, believing that remaining a virgin was not good for me. They said that I needed a child.”
“Then I met Dr. Anthony Wassuna who not only prayed for me but encouraged me. He shared that his own wife had been found to have even bigger fibroids, but had opted to trust God and wait until marriage to have sex. They are now blessed with three beautiful children.”
Rehab says she would resolve to adopt a child if the marriage doesn’t seem to come her way keeping her sexually pure and her “body pure in honor of God and her body, which is His temple. Even if I got to the age of 50 and was still unmarried, it would still be worth it. Besides, what guarantee did I have that having sex would even lead to conception? None.”
“I am not the only virgin I know. Most of my friends, both male and female, live by the same ideals. About two in ten have fallen off the wagon, but we don’t judge them. We don’t think we are better just because we have remained virgins. God has kept us.”